Cthulhu The Musical

Posted: September 2, 2011 in Random silliness
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

This one’s for you, Max…


Brandy: I’m Brandy Sanderson, and we’re on the set of ‘Cthulhu The Musical’ today, talking to its star, Tommy Tentacles.  That’s an interesting name, Mr Tentacles –

Tommy: Call me Tommy, please.

Brandy: OK, ah, Tommy… I expected something a bit more exotic.  How did your parents choose the name ‘Tommy’?

Tommy: ‘Tommy Tentacles’ is my stage name.  My agent suggested I change it.  My real name is asgwetdfangv’advohew.

Brandy: Ah…right.  ‘Tommy’ it is.  So, Tommy, how long have you been playing the tuba?

Tommy: [offended].  It’s a baritone, Brandy.  [mutters under his breath] And you call yourself an entertainment correspondent…

Brandy: I’m sorry, Tommy – how long have you been playing the baritone?

Tommy: [leans close to reporter] I’ll let you in on a little secret, Brandy- I can’t actually play a baritone.  No lips, you see [motions with one tentacle towards face].  No, all the wind instruments are actually played by manatees.

Brandy: M…manatees?

Tommy: Yeah, manatees.  They got lips like this [holds two tentacles wide apart].

Brandy: Oh…kay…  Now, tell me, Tommy, have you always wanted to be an actor? What led you to this role?

Tommy: It’s a funny thing – when I was little, I always wanted to be a dentist.  Oh, and my other ambition was to not end up on a salad, but I guess I achieved that one, heheh.  I was on my way to dentistry school when I got lost and blundered into the audition rooms for ‘Cthulhu’.  And the rest is history.

Brandy: And what does the future hold for Tommy Tentacles?

Tommy: The high tide mark’s the limit, Brandy!  In ‘Cthulhu’, it’s true that I get to showcase a wide range of my extensive talents.  I sing, I dance, I act, I pretend to play the baritone, I squeeze through impossibly small openings…but for my next project, I’d like to show my serious side.  Shakespeare, I think.  I could do a mean MacBeth.  Or perhaps a romantic lead.  Or I might even pretend to give it all away and become a rap artist, and have a mockumentary made about me by my best friend, and later on we’ll reveal that it’s all been one big joke at Hollywood’s expense, and…

Brandy: [whispers to Tommy] I think you’ll find that’s already been done.  So tell me more about ‘Cthulhu’.  I hear that you have to spend hours in make up each day for your role.

Tommy: Nah, not really.  A pair of kids’ fairy wings and some plastic fangs, and I’m done.  They don’t exactly have a big budget; they’re paying me in shrimp.

Brandy: And how about your co-star… Arnaaluk Noongwook.  Did I say that right?

Tommy: Oh, Arnie, yeah… heheheh.  Arnaaluk’s a girl’s name, you know.  Only don’t tell him I told you.  He’s a bit sensitive about it.

Brandy: Critics have used words like ‘moving’, ‘raw’ and ‘intense’ to describe the final showdown between you and Arnaaluk’s character The Narwhal.  Is your relationship as confrontational off-set as it is on?

Tommy: Oh, no, that’s all just acting.  Off set we’re best of mates [coughs into one tentacle something that sounds suspiciously like ‘arsehole’].

Brandy: Critics also say that ‘Cthulhu  The Musical’ makes too large a departure from the Cthulhu Mythos as originally conceived by H.P. Lovecraft.  How do you respond to that?

Tommy: H.P. who?


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